As turkey day draws near, I would like to say a big "THANKS" to those of you that have supported me throughout the years. So this Thursday as you're sitting in the living room scarfing down Chex Mix, surrounded by obnoxious relatives and trying to drown them out by focusing on watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, make sure you look real hard at the audience BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING BE THERE IN PERSON!

Not only will I be there, but one of my biggest celebrity favorites will be there as well.



There is a God. Thank you and good night.

I can't believe the Halloween season came and went without a blog! Strike that. I can't believe it came and went without my finishing up and actually posting the 5 blogs I wrote. I've had this nasty habit lately of running around in business suits carrying disorganized stacks of paper. Sadly this habit of keeping busy has kept you from hearing of my great discovery. It happened a few weeks ago as I was at my mother's doing my laundry like a cheapfuck and clipping Sunday coupons. Between coupons saving $1 on 15 cans of cat food and an ad for ceramic plates, I found this gem.



Yes my friends, I have finally found a replacement for Magic Middles. These Nestle premade cookies have you just minutes away from fresh chocolate chip cookies filled with creamy chocolate filling. I've purchased and made them myself and while they're not the same as my favorite Keebler snack of yesteryear, they're a fantastic replacement.

I almost spent the remainder of my evening quietly painting my nails and then heading to bed. Almost. I realized that it takes 12 hours for nails to really dry in any sort of non-smudging fashion and as I don't care to have to wash my bedsheets with acetone tomorrow, I decided to blog instead. If you're confused about the lack of blogs lately, don't be. No one can possibly be more confused than my fiance, who actually watches me taking the photos for blogs I never write. If I had a kid on top of work, school, and various grocery shopping/laundry/cleaning type chores I'd of probably died of a stroke by now. I'll never understand how single moms do it.

Which brings me to yogurt.



Breyer's YoCrunch has gotten all spook-ified for Halloween, donning Ghost, Witch, and Frankenstein labels in the classic orange and black fashion. They come in Butterfinger, M&Ms, and the more festively colored Reese's Pieces. The candy is a nice, touch, but the plain vanilla lowfat yogurt is still on the tart side even with the chunks of candy mixed in. I'd recommend eating the candy and using the yogurt portion for smoothies, but that's just because I've gotten quite the craving for smoothies lately. Although I'm sure any onlooker might believe my urges lie less with drinking frozen fruit and more with the glorious scent of an overexerted blender motor.

Now if I could just get Lean Cuisine to slap some vampires on the boxes, my bagged lunches would be in perfect step for All Hallow's.

Another summer season has passed which means it's now officially time to switch air fresheners from Ocean Breeze to Apple Spice. I'm eagerly awaiting the cooler weather not only because it means relief on my electric bill, but because it means Fall is coming. I spent my Labor Day picking apples at the orchard, which I think is a warm welcoming to the season. Summer has been killing me. Ever since moving out in July I've gotten vertigo, nausea, several weeks of allergy medicine induced fatigue, an ear infection, sinusitis, tonsillitis, a random blood pressure spike, and taken a trip to the ER for chest pain which was confirmed not to be my heart and probably had more to do with stress or maybe dragging an 80lb exercise bike into my apartment.

I have 100 photos of things for blogs, and yet no updates. Despite the busy times I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I'm going to start slow with this.



Coconut M&Ms have me completely under their spell. The chocolate and coconut taste has me dreaming of laying out on the beach in Hawaii watching chicks in hula skirts and sipping fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them. They beat the hell out of coconut Easter eggs.


The stamps have an island flair, making the trademark "m" into beach umbrellas, flowers, and palm trees. I was even lucky enough to get a Siamese twin in my bag. The colors of green, brown, and white lend themselves well to the theme, but they could have made them baby puke green and diarrhea brown and I'd still toss them down with admirable enthusiasm.

It's been a few weeks but I'm settled into my new apartment complete with 16 spatulas and 200 utensils I can't even imagine the use for. Thankfully nothing was broken on lost in the process, but as much as I tried to find proper places for all my crap, I still have a few "random junk" boxes in my garage. It took me nearly three days to lure my scared-shitless cat out from under my bed but now she's back to her normal antics of crying for food every 2 hours and laying in the most inconvenient spots possible.



My apartment looks pretty much like you'd expect it to look. It's loaded with movies, games, toys, and there's this guy that sits on the couch playing video games, screaming at his opponents and occasionally chucks the PS3 controller across the living room. We've got all the major most recent gaming systems covered along with satellite tv and the joy of DVR. Friday night is officially Ghost Adventures night at my place, which is way better when you can rewind all the creepy EVPs as many times as desired. There's even a VCR under Cthulhu's butt for good show.

 Behind that sits the magical new station for Crown Combo.


There's a few key points to the desk such as the VCR, record player, corporate zombies, corkboard of anime pins, and such.

I'm learning all kinds of important life lessons about how much the laundrymat sucks and how if you leave potatoes sitting for too long they take huge smelly potato-pisses all over your pantry. Also, just because you take 5 blogs worth of photos doesn't mean that they're ever going to get written. Although I'm loving being able to make chocolate chip pancakes in the morning without hearing a barrage of family members inquiring into what I'm doing and telling me to not make a mess. I could easily become a hermit.

Oh lords of cereal and junk food, thank you for bestowing this most blessed feast upon me.

Within my top 10 favorite discontinued food products rests Golden Graham Treats. They came out, I believe, in the early 90s and I ate an estimated 2,500 of them in my bagged school lunches. The commercials used to run constantly during the 2 shows I taped incessantly in high school -- Darkwing Duck and Samurai Pizza Cats. I'm a big fan of Golden Grahams cereal, and when they tossed in marshmallow and chocolate I was rendered helpless to its powers.



These new treats have gone the way of the new pudding pops and taken a change in shape. Instead of being roughly the size of your average prewrapped Rice Krispies Treat, they're the size of a granola bar. Not only that, but the sweet graham flavor is almost drowned out by the intense chocolate that's coating the bottom of the bar. It's more candy bar than anything now. Still, I have my Golden Grahams Treats back and that's all that matters.

I'd post the old commercial for Golden Graham treats, as I have it 16x over on VHS, but my VCR is actually boxed up right now as I'm moving in to my first apartment on July 1. I'm moving to another tiny town in Berks County, PA. It's a huge ass 100+ year old house that's split into 4 apartments, and I get the one in front with the awesome basement bedroom. I've also been informed my neighbor is a homosexual Christian psychic, so mass hilarity is sure to ensue.

If you're one of the many that believe Dunkaroos are no longer produced, you're wrong -- I'm just hoarding all of them. As you can see, I have obtained a massive variety pack of Dunkaroos that's really 4 boxes in one. Not only that, but I only paid $4 for it, and that's less than 17¢ a pack.

These snacks first made the scene in the late 80's but they're only available now via black market vendors and speakeasies. The cookies are lackluster shapes like balloons and planes, but no one really cares when there's frosting involved. They could be shaped like cockroaches and goat asses as long as there's a tiny tub of frosting for them to swim it. Dunkaroos are the tastiest Aussie product  since Nad's hair removal cream.

I can't believe I've been at this for so many years and this is my first blog about Dunkaroos. I know I ate at least 15 boxes of Shrek Dunkaroos a few years back, but there's no sign of green slime frosting on the blog anywhere.

I
Some time ago I saw this guy hanging at a stand at Zern's. His name is Caterspeller, the 6 foot long alphabet caterpillar. It's a cheap edu-tainment toy designed to teach children letters by showing them lined up on in order on a ridiculously long insect. This guy is over twice the size of our old buddy Lots-A-Leggs.


(Click image for full page)

Here we have Lots-A-Leggs as he appears in the 1985 Montgomery Ward catalog. He's got 10 solid pairs of feet, each adorable outfitted with sweat bands and high-top sneakers. Lots-A-Leggs was a fine buddy on his own and the Caterspeller is a shameful knock-off. Even the color of the original is better, the joyful purple is a comforting blanket among the floppy legs and decorative bowtie. Much like Strawberry Shortcake, the classic is much better than the remake. Viva la Lots-A-Leggs!

June 24 marks opening day for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Mars is once again tugging at my heartstrings with limited edition movie tie-in M&Ms. There's the traditional chocolate (Chocl-o-bots) and peanut (Delect-o-cons) flavors, bearing wrapper images of Bumblebee and Starscream kickin' it with the dopey yellow M&M. While plain and peanut are nothing to have to change your undergarments over, you might want to do so for the new flavor, Strawberry Peanut Butter.



I don't know if the rest of you belt out the Hallelujah Chorus when M&M comes out with crazy schemes like this, but it's become the norm for me. Even odder considering my "norm" is usually to drink heavily and sing to the moon. I'm a little saddened that the candies aren't stamped with Autobot and Decepticon logos because speckling a couple of candies doesn't even come close. Even the Pirates candies had specialized stamps.

For the lord God omnipotent reigneth......

The flavor, however, tastes like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich made into a candy. The chocolate has a hint of strawberry flavor to it with the traditional peanut butter center and candy shell. They're also fun to pinch until they explode. Somehow peanut butter M&Ms are exceptionally enticing to pop, like Capri Sun pouches.

There's 5 limited edition wrappers in all and I've only accounted for 3. There's also a yellow-dyed Transformer's Snicker's available, so I'm thinking maybe the 5th wrapper is a M&M minis tube. The hunt will continue.

(Notice the foot on the track is my lovely swelled "Frankenfoot")


Summer is in the air, and change is all around. I recently made it through a company wide layoff, which is great, because my fiance got a job in my area and it's finally time to move out of my parents' house and find an apartment. I haven't moved since first grade so I'm praying that I can figure out how to pack action figures without having them lose limbs in the process. I'm also going to have to figure out how many Hello Kitty appliances I can buy before it threatens the hubby's sense of masculinity. My "to do" list right now looks something like this:

• Find an Apartment
• Plan a wedding
• Finish college
• Wine
• Lots of wine
  

My mom's offering up half the shit in the house to help see me out the door, so I'm pretty stoked that I'm getting all kinds of free furniture and not just the the McDonald's Camp Snoopy glasses we've had since the 80's. I'll save raiding the Christmas decorations until November.


I saw this when I looked out my window a few days ago. It's now official -- if you don't have a cell phone, you're more out of touch than the Mennonites.