I considered making this review say nothing more than, "Pepsi Jazz tastes like Pepsi Jizz," but I feel I may need to elaborate further. I was given no warning that Pepsi was producing another line of sodas, but here it is, in all it's glory. There seems to be a growing trend in new soda flavors, that being to name it the most ridiculous thing you can think of. Jazz is just about the worst name for a soda ever, which is pretty fitting as this is about the worst soda ever.




First off, it only comes in diet flavors. Diet Pepsi is the most overly chemically sweetened substance known to man, and now they've added flavors to it. Bad flavors. So aside from having to wait 10 minutes after pouring the drink to get the carbonation fizz out of the way, you now get doused with flavor that's about as "Jazzy" as a hobo taking a shit on your lawn. Strawberries and Cream is about what you'd expect -- Diet Pepsi, Strawberry Soda, and Cream Soda combined into one deadly force. There's so many acids and chemicals in this shit I'm surprised it didn't eat through the lining of my stomach. Pepsi Black Cherry and French Vanilla pretends to be better than Dr. Pepper because it has "French" Vanilla. Doesn't Pepsi realize what Americans think of the French? Of course not. They apparently think we still listen to Jazz music, with the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin'.

I can actually feel Pepsi Jazz eat away at my teeth when I drink it. Mixing them together into Diet Black Cherry French Vanilla Strawberries and Cream Pepsi was probably the worst idea I've had since the time I thought I could bake cookies with icing in the middle. Thankfully I don't have any Mentos, so I'm still at a low risk for exploding all together, but you never know.