At some point when I had my back turned, balloons became toys. We all know you can play with balloons. We've thought of a million ways of popping them and making them squeak and doing all kinds of things. Why the hell should we have to pay extra because they're being packaged and marketed as toys?

Kamikaze balloons did not, in fact, sacrifice themselves in a flaming inferno. They mainly just looked ugly and were hard to blow up. The only decent attribute they had was making an insanely annoying squeel when they deflated. The included straws were practically useless. Booooo!