There's a huge plastic bin in the garage filled with all sorts of treasures I created in my youth. Everything from macaroni noodle paintings to book reports to handmade cards. It's a good thing it's kept in a tight container, otherwise it would be simply over-run with silverfish. I believe it was third grade when my teacher liked to exploit our class writings in a monthly packet installment she called "Kid Bits." It was copied and stapled and had horrible old Apple IIgs clip art that was printed out on dot matrix printers. Inside was samples of all the terrible things they'd forced us to write about in school. As you can imagine, the December issue included our letters to Santa, where we were to not only write what we wanted, but to ask Jolly Old St. Nick a few questions as well.



I never got the Crimp n' Curl Cabbage Patch Kid, but my friend Jen did, and I cursed her every day for having superior Cabbage Patches. I only had the one you could take in water and some other one with an ugly orange jumper. The only thing I got from the list above was the Fisher Price doll house, which is still in my ownership, but probably houses more spiders than toys right now.

The Lights and Lace Barbie I only got in the shitty plastic McDonald's Happy Meal toy form. That year I got Rappin' Rockin' Barbiefor Xmas instead. But she had a really hot mini and this great pink boom box that played music. I thought it was pretty boss. Didn't get the Barbie house that year, either. But, the next year I got the Barbie Fold n' Fun house, which I loved the ever living shit out of, and is tucked away next to my doll house. The Barbie Fold n' Fun House had the most irresistible commercial that made me do musical backflips every time I saw it. Hella love to anyone that can get me a copy of it.