Christmas went off about as well as Christmas can for me. I, as usual, got up way earlier than everyone else. My mother works nightshift at a nursing home, so when it's her turn to work Christmas Eve, we have to wait until she gets home to celebrate. Present unwrapping went off without a hitch, which is great because I had to tally the number of presents my brothers' and I had five times to make sure we all have the exact same number. I did manage to get a couple of things I wasn't expecting, including a membership with AAA which will come in handy when my car does it's next trick and bursts into flames.

As expected, there were a couple of comical mishaps during the holidays. I decided that our menu for Christmas breakfast should be bacon egg and cheese biscuits. As I saw my mother placing strips of bacon onto a flat cookie sheet, I almost stopped and pointed out that it was quite likely for bacon grease to drip off the sheet and splatter to the bottom of the oven, causing it to burn off smoke like a motherfucker. But, I figured maybe mom knew something I didn't, and before we knew it, smoke was pouring out of the oven like a motherfucker. The reason this is especially hilarious, is because we have a home security system that includes our smoke detectors automatically alerting the fire department when they go off. Thankfully we opened up enough windows and doors for that not to happen.

In the grand scheme of Christmas, some magic occurred. I've been wanting to get a new purse something awful. The one I have now is so packed full of shit the zipper keeps busting. I was secretly hoping that when I got to my aunt's house, she'd have gotten one for me. My aunt has three award-winning classic Corvettes in her garage, so she not only has money, but damn good taste. I was extremely pleased when I got there and unwrapped a gorgeous designer bag with an adorable multi-colored heart print all over it and enough pockets to haul all my goods!



My redneck friends, being understandably low on cash, managed to have this made for me. I have dubbed it the Underwater Sea Adventure White Tiger gel candle. I rather like it. Once I find a spot for it, it will collect dust very nicely.