I occasionally get letters or comments asking just how I think up the hilarious things I write. I have my own secrets. Well -- not really secrets so much as techniques. Techniques I've decided to share with everyone else so more people can understand the great skill it takes to do what I do. I want you to appreciate just how hard and diligently I worked writing this. Diligence that can only be illustrated via photo of me in writing action:



I've narrowed down the basics of my wit to two main factors.

1. Make up blatant bullshit lies.

Say you're writing an episode review of The Smurfs and Brainy Smurf has entered the scene. Write that Brainy just got back from a hospital stay to get the giant stick up his ass surgically removed, but unfortunately it broke off and now it's stuck up there for good. Everyone knows it's not true, but it makes the sentence amazingly more interesting.

2. When all else fails, use bad similes.

Similes are those things you learned about in high school English class. Y'know, where you compare two things using "like" or "as." Instead of saying, "Jack Sparrow is horny," say, "Jack Sparrow is as horny as Micheal Jackson at a Boy Scout jamboree." That way you can use another pop culture reference and say something completely horrible at the same time.

That's really all there is to it. They're good tips to reflect on when you've got a bad case of writer's block.