Transformers was quite possible the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life. It was like a 2 hour 15 minute orgasm, only I didn't have to give it to myself for a change. There were many impressive overlapping levels of plot with just the right balance of intensity to keep you from feeling lost or confused. The effects were purely earth-shattering and the first appearance of Optimus Prime is enough to put a shiver in the loins of every movie-goer. The crowd response was phenomenal as loud cheers were heard for the Autobots and the excitement was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It wouldn't even need to be a sharp knife -- hell, use a spoon.

It's the kind of movie you might see several times during the duration of the summer simply because you're driving in the vicinity of the movie theater and make the snap decision for another viewing. If you were watching it and have to urinate worse than you've ever had to urinate before, I highly recommend just going in a cup or just risking horrible kidney damage because you can't afford to miss any second of this film. Not even Hasbro's subtle promotions of its other products. There's even a gentle touch of humorous quotes to keep you and your geek buds reciting them for the next 2-3 years.

My one complaint -- when a normal woman so much as goes out on a humid day it ruins her make-up, there's no way in hell Megan Fox can bust ass in a Transformers battle and come out with eyeliner still in tact. There's just not.