This is the predicament of my life. I have plenty of friends to hang out with, but all of them either work weekends or have no money. Yesterday I'm scrambling playing phone tag because I have the sudden urge to take the bus down the Baltimore Aquarium over the weekend, but I'm unsuccessful at finding a companion for the trip. I can't go alone, because then who's going to take photos of me?! This is why I have to make my own adventures in life. This is why it takes me nearly 2 hours to comb through Wal-Mart when really I just went in for groceries. This is why I stopped giving a shit whether or not it looks cheap, I'm taking a Yoo-hoo out of the dairy case and drinking it while I shop.



I spent so much time combing the aisles, I could probably tell  you every product with a photo of Indiana Jones on the box. I could make weeks worth of blogs going through Indiana Jones products available at the grocery store. I don't know how big Mr. Jones is on NutriGrain bars, but he's apparently big enough to plant his kisser on them. I heard some excited exchanges as I passed by a display of the Mint Crisp M&Ms. People seem to be flocking to them, I even saw a gray-haired little old lady with an oversized bag of them in her cart.

I went into the garden section to look for a plant for my desk. I need to find some strange fauna to go with all my toys and photos of me hugging Chewbacca. I killed my dinosaur plant; it started growing some strange mold. Perhaps I should just order one of those funky space age gel plants, because there wasn't much interest in Lawn and Garden, so I made my trip to the toy department.



This is one of the greatest times to toy shop, because it's at the peak of spring/summer blockbusters and the aisles are packed with Iron Man, Indiana Jones, Speed Racer, and Batman. I've been waiting anxiously for the first blow of toys from The Dark Knight, and I'm heavily impressed by what I'm seeing. The Joker action figures are in a league of their own, jaunty and refreshingly morbid but not without that odd sense of solemness I think will come with all Joker items from The Dark Knight. A range of dress-up gear is available in two scales -- professional and play. That is to say, you can buy standard arm gear for $10 or state-of-the-art arm gear for $25. My theory is that with $2.88 Batman masks, everyone wins.



One toy that piqued my interested and nearly wound up in my cart was Wolverine from the new Mighty Muggs series. These figures have bobble heads beat a million fold. With that scowl and facial stubble, I don't know how I was able to pass, but somehow I did. I think I may just regret that. After checking Amazon, there seems to be a sweep of Star Wars Mighty Muggs available with a Darth Vader and Stormtrooper that are too cute for words.

I did pick up one other toy, but it's being saved for a full article later on.



After perusing the general merchandise, I made my swing to the grocery aisle. Upon finding no new sodas to write about, my first excited purchase was the Macaroni and Cheese Crackers, or as you Canadians call it, Kraft Dinner Crackers. I love cheese crackers, I love Mac & Cheese, so it was just left to picking which flavor I wanted -- White Cheddar, Mild Cheddar, or Cheddar. I went with Cheddar. I love these way more than those Pringles chips, even though NEITHER of them actually taste like Mac & Cheese. In fact, these taste just like Cheez-Its in tube form with the ends pinched together.



When I was walking down the laundry aisle, I was slightly thrown off when I found TVs and electric image-switching signs telling me which detergent to buy. Having computers fighting over my choice to buy Gain or Wisk seems a little too close to Johnny Cab for my taste.



Did you know Starbucks is making chocolates? As if they weren't ramming us up the ass enough with coffee prices, now they think they can sell us overprices chocolate? I bought one bag of truffles, because I am a truffle whore. There is no food that will get me more orgasmic than a really good chocolate truffle. Before even trying one I flipped the container over, just to make sure they were advertising that the container was recycled, and sure enough, it was. I know the people that are diehard Starbucks fanatics wouldn't have it any other way. I was hoping for the best when I ate them, but something about these seemed oddly familiar. A good truffle shouldn't allow you to separate the chocolate coating from the center, but these were nearly impossible to bit into without splitting vanilla bean creme from the chocolate. As it turns out, these candies are nothing more than glorified Hershey's chocolates. I wasn't particularly impressed.



Finally I got to the checkout to pay for all my toys, goodies, pocket knife, chocolate, etc etc and I scanned the candy aisle for new junk. I found some new things in the gum department -- Mentos gum and new flavors of this or that. I picked up a pack of Tic Tac chill in the exotic cherry flavor. They're like regular Tic Tacs on steroids. I much prefer the little potent ones in their clangy shaker container. These chill packs just look like a fancy prescription jar which is fitting because the Tic Tacs are Tylenol size. Flavor wise, they're not a medicine type of cherry, but they're not exactly a Jolly Rancher cherry, either. Fairly unremarkable, and a little sour.

And some people complain about grocery shopping.