I'm a semi-professional at hunting down awesome things to buy. This is why I plan to elope in Vegas as opposed to having wedding -- it would be the most horrific ordeal you can imagine. Especially considering we all know I'll wind up marrying the biggest Star Wars geek ever and we'd never get past debates over whether to have our glasses laser inscribed with Darth Vader or She-Ra. But seeing as I've managed to fuck up relations with 3 men in the past week, I don't think I'll be needing to worry about that for a loooong time. Instead I'll be trying to find happiness in MP3 speakers that looks like a minature KISS lunchbox and Indiana Jones cereal.



This cereal had me smiling brightly with memories of TV and movie tie-in cereals from my day like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Strawberry Shortcake. Indiana Jones cereal went above and beyond the junk I used to get from Ralston and delivered what's practically a cross between Count Chocula and Cocoa Puffs. The traditional chocolate balls are accompanied by marshmallows in the shape of the Crystal Skull, Indy's Hat, a torch, and the Temple of Akator. The hat actually looks more like a dirt clod, but we'll forgive this because the little chocolate eyes on the skull make me wish more face-shaped edibles had chocolate eyes.



There's sadly no prize inside, not even a cardboard decoder, but cereal prizes are becoming a rare thing these days. The other day I found myself almost buying a box of Corn Pops just to get a light-up plastic spoon. Nothing was spared on box art, though, as we see a magnificent drawing of a young Indy on the back only to flip the box around and find the grey-haired badboy swinging the whip around with a face only stern enough to suggest he's concentrating on a carnival game of ring-toss.

The picture of Mutt on the back is laughable, and I can only imagine the photograher's words when he took it. "Alright Shia I need you to lean on the bike and look as stoned and lethargic as humanly possibly. Yeah, think severe constipation, clench your asscheeks tight."



The back offered some mild entertainment in a cross between a maze and a choose-your-own-adventure. You start out chosing a plane or a train and try to avoid sharks and red ants to get to the treasure at the end. It's amusing enough to last through one bowl of cereal which is probably why they needed supplementary printed Pop-Tarts.