Halloweenophile

I hate having to go out on the weekends. I work about 50 hours a week and I spend 10 on the road, so on the weekends I really enjoy being home alone and not having to go anywhere. Some of those lazy days I won't really do much of anything, just because I'm so burnt out from battling insurance companies by day and teaching by night. I'll often turn on the TV, reload Facebook 5,000 times and make sweet sweet love to the couch. I could easily be a hermit, as long as I still have the internet and a cell phone.

Today was not a hermit day, unfortunately. I forced myself up and out of bed before noon so I could get an early start on running to the pet store to get dog food for Spanky. I figured since I was already out, I'd make a few more stops, like swinging by the Dollar Tree to pick up some foam tombstones to replace the ones that blew away in last week's wind storm. I couldn't believe how overrun they already are with Christmas decorations. The bits of remaining Halloween goods will be replaced with candy cane lip gloss, gardenia bath salt sets and spray bottles of Love's Baby Soft before you unzip your costume.



I made a few pit stops on the way home. One of them was A.C. Moore which had 90% Christmas and 10% Halloween out. It was almost a totally ruined trip, until I sauntered by the candy aisle and saw Chocolate Covered Peeps. I've spoken of chocolate covered Peeps and Peeps with chocolate in the past, but only in the past year or so have those devils over at Just Born began producing such products themselves. I was really hungry and wanted to eat the Peep right away, which is exactly the reason I keep my camera in my purse at all times. I pulled into the parking lot of my next stop and placed the Peep on a napkin to photograph it. While I'm in the middle of taking the first shot, I think I was spotted by the guy getting into the car next to me. I use the term "car" loosely -- it was a huge fucking blue truck with tires the size of baby elephants and it was covered in mud. Not the type of person that's going to understand a lady in a car taking photos of candy with a pink camera. I quick stuffed my camera into the front pouch of my Eagles pullover and pretended to go over some paperwork I had in my front seat. Stuff like that used to not bother me, and I haven't even hit 30 yet!

The Chocolate Pumpkin Peeps were worth it, of course. As you can see from the above picture, the inside it a gorgeous bright neon orange. If pumpkins bled, their blood would be that exact shade of orange. Nothing that neon can be bad, especially when coated in chocolate. It was like a chocolate covered cloud was fellating my tongue.




I had an instant hit at the grocery store when I went right in and found a batch of Halloween Crunch. I loooooooove that The Cap'n is a werewolf. The obvious would have been to go with a vampire, but Cap'n is rolling with Team Jacob this year. Kudos. If I pulled a key out of the bowl at the cereal mascot swingers party, I wouldn't be entirely opposed to get Werewolf Cap'n. Especially not after a few mixed drinks.

It's the same mixture as last year with the traditional pieces mixed with speckled ghost squid pieces that will turn your milk green. God bless the good people at General Mills for still calling holidays by their actual names and not by the season they're affiliated with. Although now that I look at it more, they did kind of make the Cap'n a furry.

After that I blew back to town and made a stop at McDonald's to get one of these Trick Your Treats or whatever pail I've been hearing all about. It was easy to spot the McDonald's with their trademark red and yellow building...



Or not. There's some weird ordinance in my town that, essentially, all buildings should match Cabela's. They're putting in a Lowe's and a Wal-Mart and they have to follow the same color scheme. I'm not making this shit up.



They even have antler chandeliers all over the inside. Yet no venison burger. Go figure. I grabbed my pail and headed back to my Silver Gran Am and proceeded to breeze past all the trucks and campers with my sun roof open and blaring Skinny Puppy.

I guess sometimes it's not that bad to leave the house on a Saturday.

Posted by Mystie at 10/23/2010 11:15 PM
Categories: uncategorized
 

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