Crown Combo Blog

The Lost Blogs Vol 1

2011-09-08T01:49:01Z

Over the years I've collected many items for blog reviews and neglected to ever write a lick of anything about them. This has gotten worse in the past year with all the house, wedding, and now pregnancy business I've been handling. Instead of letting the plethora of pictures of products go to waste because a review is long overdue, I'm going to give each of them a short spotlight. Here we have the first few representations of months and months of neglected blogs.

I purchased the Galactic Garden pod from during a particularly boring trip to Hobbytown USA in which my husband had to purchase 50 tiny bottles of paint to paint 5,000 tiny little Warhammer figures. On the rare occasion I tag along on these trips, I usually amuse myself playing with Calico Critters or perusing the LEGO collections. This time I found myself drawn to a red clearance sticker on a space age eggplant pod. I planted the seeds in my gel, put it in a dark, cool place, and after a few weeks I had big eggplant sprouts. During the summer I attempted to get the plant out and replant in my raised bed garden. Unfortunately, the gel did not want to dislodge without a struggle and the plant turned to slime after replanting. I wouldn't have trusted eating an eggplant that started growing without any sunlight, anyway.

Valentine's Cherry Dark Chocolate 3 Musketeers. Oh man, these were good. Some people can't stand cherry candy due to the "cough syrup" association, but these were more reminiscent of cherry cordials than Robitussin. As tiny as those minis were, they went down quick, and I don't believe the bag lasted very long.

I purchased a set of Snooki-style hair bumps from the Dollar Tree, and failed to realize they came in different colors. Instead of blonde, I purchased straight jet black. I couldn't get the hang of the things, anyway, and instead wound up with a dozen photos of myself with these damnable things caught in my hair.

YES. YES EVERYONE. I KNOW ABOUT MILANO MELTS! In fact, I could have sworn I had blogged about them, but as it turns out, I never did. The weekly emails telling me about how Milano Melts are JUST like Magic Middles (they're not) clued me in. You can probably tell by the expiration date on the packages that these cookies are from a while ago. They were good, but they were no Magic Middles.

Ahhh.... Fushigi. If you think I bought this ball just to try and reenact scenes from The Labyrinth, you're absolutely 100% correct. I was expecting this ball to be light, but it was as heavy and clunky as a bowling ball. I didn't even check the bonus DVD before I managed to crack the Fushigi ball on the floor. I lost interest before trying to find out the DVD's satanic gravity bending secrets.

Stay tuned for more neglected goods.

There's Chocolate in the Air

2011-06-26T17:57:12Z

We're in a world where society seems like it's on the verge of banning children under 16 from even going down a grocery store aisle the contains candy under fear promoting childhood obesity. The candy corporations have to fight for our attention now even harder than ever, and there's no better way to do that than to change something on our favorite treats and slap a big shiny "NEW" sticker on it. It certainly worked for me in the case of Hershey's Air Delight. It seems like some sort of scam that Hershey's is running, but I'm trying to think of it more along the lines of a whipped chocolate or even just a more air-centered candy like malt balls. However, trying to gain a different angle on this new candy bar by our beloved Pennsylvania based candy manufacturer doesn't eliminate the factor that's it's really not that great. I predict less than a year manufacturing lifespan for this confection.

Delight? Yes. In the same way that I'm "delighted" when I have a tickle in my throat and find an old, sticky cough drop in the bottom of my purse among the 500 pennies, lost earrings, and crumbs. If you want chocolate, it'll do the job. It's not bad, per se. The added element of air just does nothing to enhance the chocolate-tasting experience and the texture just seems unusual. Nestle has a similar product called Aero, which hasn't been available in the US market -- maybe there isn't much of a taste for bubbles state-side.

Will the real Magic Middles please stand up?

2011-05-23T00:34:12Z

A recent sales ad for Boyer's Food Market displays a sale for Keebler Cookies, and in this small section a package of Keebler Magic Middles is visible. I visited my local Boyer's and was unsuccessful in finding Keebler Magic Middles cookies. I searched two other stores and neither had them in stock. I now have an email out to Keebler and to Boyer's to inquire about the product.

I'll keep you posted with the updates.

Coincidentally, Chips Ahoy has recently developed a chocolate filled cookie as well.

::::::EDIT:::::

Update: Here is the response I received from the grocery store running the ad:

Yes as the customer will be unsuccessful at finding these items at any store anywhere. This Item was cut from Production until Further notice (With the exception of Cheesecake Middles. We were notified Last week as we received our second shipment of New SKUs as they were not included. Apparently the particular machinery used to manufacture will be used for something else. As of now Magic Middles Original ad Peanut Butter will not be produced

Thanks

Update: Here is the response I received from Keebler:

Victoria,

Thank you for contacting us regarding Keebler® Magic Middles.

Unfortunately, stores only want to stock the fastest moving products. If the stores start to discontinue an item, we find that we cannot produce the smaller volumes the business demands. At this time, there are no plans to reintroduce it.

We know that it will be hard to find a replacement, but we are always developing new products. You should try Keebler® Fudge Shoppe® Cheesecake Middles.

We are including an electronic Keebler® coupon for you to print and use. Please make sure your printer is on and click on the link to print your coupon. You may have to copy and paste the link into your web browser in order for it to work.

We appreciate your interest and loyalty to our brands and trust that we will continue to meet your needs for many years to come.

Sincerely,

[name omitted]
Consumer Specialist
Consumer Affairs

It appears Keebler had intended to bring back Magic Middles and at the last minute changed their mind. Whether any product was produced and shipped to any store remains unknown.

Cupcake Bites

2011-05-09T01:53:00Z

Cupcake Bites. These tiny little balls of colored deliciousity taste less like cupcakes and more like Cookie Dough Bites with sprinkles, but does it really matter? Look at how cute and girl they are! I only wish there were unicorns and rainbows on the box to finish the effect.

These babies are in a Bonus Pack. What's the bonus, you ask? It's a surprise. The surprise is, there's no bonus. There's just a bag inside with the little candy chunks pictured above. No sticker, tattoo, collectible card, NOTHING. I've read and re-read the box and there's no indication that said "bonus" is the sprinkles themselves, or that it's a bigger box, or even that you can go online for a free download.

Every time you promise a non-existent bonus, there's a fairy somewhere who drops dead.

Dollar Store Pick-Me Up

2011-05-03T00:41:00Z

Lately Fridays have been notoriously long due to work running thin by the end of the week. There's only so much I can do to perk up that won't show up in a piss test. By noon I've already listened to my favorite podcast, Tell 'em Steve-Dave, and I'm hunting for a caffeine jolt to get me through the next few hours. The other Friday I had originally intended to leave the office during lunch for an ice coffee, but instead found myself at a Dollar Tree in downtown Allentown.

The Dollar Tree was heavily traveled for a Friday afternoon, and the clientele were an issue from the moment I set foot in the door. As I was inspecting the Easter display in the front, I heard a frazzled, perplexed older woman asking the cashier in a very accusatory tone if he remembered to hand over her receipt. He told her he did, but she continued to stand there gawking and slowly repeating herself, thereby making everyone in line feel awkward. The store was full of people just like that, particularly in the ointment aisle. Thankfully there wasn't any interesting foaming blue raspberry ointment, so I didn't need to worry about beating down any slow elderly people.

I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for, but it seemed like a great way to kill my lunch break. I hit a few jackpots. The bulk of it is up there. On the far left are diet Dots with Acai. Who knew the secret to weight loss could be obtained for $1 for 24 doses! Now I can save thousands on surgery connecting my mouth directly to my asshole. Bikini season, here I come!

Also on the health aids spectrum we have super hero soap. Specifically, Batman Bubble Gum Blast scented hand soap. There were 2 other scents available, but bubblegum is the go-to generic kid-exclusive scent. However, it's not very creative on incorporating the B-man part. I would have gone with names like "Brooding Bubblegum" or "Scowling Strawberry."

I took several "in action" shots of me using the Epil-Stop hair removal lotion, but I've come to realize that the internet is far better off without seeing my hairy spider veins. You'll just have to take my word that it works pretty poorly unless you want to apply it to your legs three times to get the hair off. The smell is almost worth it, though. Instead of that normal horrid cucumber melon, this lotion comes in a refreshing Margarita Lime. It REALLY smells like margaritas, too!

LOOK AT MY DIRTY FOOT FILTH!!! Yep, we have generic dollar store Kinoki Foot pads. Of course, they couldn't blatantly steal the name, so they ripped off the name next Asian obsession in line -- Sudoku. Mudoku foot pads are supposed to cleanse your feet while you sleep and rid them of unseen toxins. Or they just turn icky brown overnight. Hell if I know.

Out of the health products and into the candy aisle! This Chocolate Egg Chick looked promising, but disappointed me from here to the 14th dimension on Quipzarf, the planet of saber tooth bullfrogs. The chocolate was marginally acceptable, as is most cheap chocolate or cheap pizza. The chick, however, was like trying to eat a 5 year old wad of gum covered in sugar crystals. Not good sugar crystals, either. Someone took the ancient sugar cubes my 3rd grade teacher kept in the closet to cure hiccups, ground them up, and rolled the chick in that. Then put eyes and a beak made of rocks.

Ladies and gentlemen, I told you all the above to make my last find seem even more awesome than it is. This is the kind of things bored Dollar Store trip dreams are made of.

DINOSAUR HAT! DINOSAUR HAT! DOLLAR DOLLAR DINOSAUR HAT!!!

Granted, I have no idea what species of dino this is, but judging by the teeth I'm sure it's something carnivorous. It's a pretty sweet hat because it's lifelike and not some generic kiddy Barney style dinosaur. You can see the scales and nostrils and everything. I may never wear a baseball cap again. Of course, I never wore them to begin with. But if I did, I would stop, and wear only an array of Dollar Tree dinosaur hats instead.

DINO HAT!

Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles Treats

2011-03-27T16:02:00Z

Dear God of portable breakfast treats,

Thank you for Frosted Rainbow Cookie Sandwich Pop-Tarts, but I have already written about those dry, thin pastries 5,000 times. Can't you give me something else new in the cereal aisle? Something that is low in calories and has no high fructose corn syrup?

Your pal,

Mystie

Rice Krispies have long been the standard for cereal bars, but since the 90's many other breakfast baddies have stepped into the ring. Finally after years of waiting Pebbles have stepped into the ring, in both the Fruity and Cocoa varieties. Both boxes are adorned with Fred Flintstone stretching apart a bar the size of his torso. Looking at it makes me realize that kids today only relate Fred Flintstone as a mascot for vitamins, Push Up Pops, and Pebbles. It's been 11 years since the last Flintstones movie even came out. Maybe it's time for a cheap Yogi Bear style 3D comeback.

The bars aren't that large but with all the hype over childhood obesity (cue the spam bots!) I'm surprised there isn't a hit out on Little Debbie. Regardless, it hits all the sweetness factors including the icing swirls on the top while clocking in at 90 calories. I usually side with chocolate on just about everything, and this is one of the "just about" exceptions. Part of it may be the bright colors of the fruity variety mesmerizing me like a big tye-dye cereal trip, but overall it's a clear flavor winner. It has a more uplifting flavor, and leaves out all the yucky "Did I just eat wax" aftertaste that is usually accompanied by these cereals.

That being said, they weren't such a revelation that I'd go out of my way to buy them again unless they were on sale. I love me some cereal bars, but these are like eating cookies -- you don't eat one, you have 5. Then you forget to blog about them for a month.

Goldfish Sandwich Bread

2011-03-10T03:38:00Z

Put down those Pop-Tarts, get out of the breakfast aisle and into the bread aisle! The breakfast aisle only pounds out one fun idea per decade, and to date there's still no sign of rainbow colored Wonderbread. This section of the grocery store is normally a total snooze, but during my last trip I found these awesome little Goldfish shaped sandwich breads.

They're based off the tremendously popular Goldfish crackers, a snacking staple. We've seen Goldfish crackers expand into some great horizons with their crackers, make awesome sweet graham snacks, and even dive into their own Campbell's soup. This was a movement I would never have predicted, but now can't imagine my life without. This is going to change the way I eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Tonight it changed the way I eat veggie burgers with cheese, ketchup, and fried onions. My dinner was instantly 500x more fun. Next time I make turkey burgers, I'm going to mold them into Goldfish shapes, and my meal will smile at me while I devour it.

My Little Pony Happy Meal

2011-02-06T00:18:00Z

Extra long days at work often leave me forgetting to eat dinner until after 10p.m. and occasionally it's nice to just pick something up on the way home. Nothing hits that late evening fast food craving like a Happy Meal. Or tacos. But Taco Bell hasn't given me anything to blog about in years, if ever. McDonald's, on the other hand, has given me content out the wazoo. Besides, look at that box up there. No one can resist the simple lure of a Happy Meal box, saturated with the smell of chicken nuggets and fries.

When I pulled into the drive-in there was no boards displaying the current selection of Happy Meal toys. The teen on window duty that night must have been either new or highly distracted, because I asked him a couple of times if they had the My Little Pony Happy Meal with no response and then I just had him tell me which toys they DID have. I forgive him, because he kinda giggled when I grabbed my box all wide-eyed and smiley saying, "I love when they come in boxes." The emoticon translation of this interaction is such:

Holy crap. Someone laced the pony trough with ecstasy. When did they turn into Powerpuff Girls 'n Friends? This is too much saccharin for me. The eyes are huge, they're taking up the cheeks and everything. Even the logo has gotten cuter.

Only one side of the box was dedicated to ponies. You can see the G3 favorites like Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. It also clarifies that the pony hiney markings are called "Cutie Marks," which was a term that was only coined in recent years. The only activity on the box is a small circle that suggests you design your own cutie mark. No pop-outs to turn the box into a castle, no connect-the-dots, no search and find -- just a blank circle. It's about the least effort possible on a Happy Meal box I've seen in years.

I got Twilight Sparkle, which sounds like the name of an Edward Cullen body lotion. She's very purple and accent in pink which makes for a happy Mystie. Her purple sparkle stand is supposed to double as a comb, but the teeth are so large that her entire tail fits between them. I can forgive this, because she's a unicorn, which makes her super extra special. She also has her hoof raised in a jaunty fashion like a pinky finger in the air. Judging by how big her picture is on the box, I think I got the pick of the litter. I will grow bored of her slightly less earlier for that.

Action Figure Makeover: Gambit

2011-01-30T05:50:00Z

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been over 2 years since I last defiled a sculpted piece of plastic with my cursed hands. Here you see some of my previous creations or at least what is left of them. The Thing lost his wings and is starting to peel. One day I'll have him back to his previous glory. But for now, for now we must press on.

Today I have finished my next glorious creation. Today is the day for Action Figure Makeover: Gambit . Another handcrafted disasterpiece.

I'm in the process of categorizing all the past articles for easier selection, but it may take some time. I have finished the section for all the makeovers, so if you would like to check out all the previous pieces, you can find them all right here .

Check Out My Fish Taco

2011-01-29T20:59:00Z

I found this ad in the newspaper coupons last weekend. There are at least 15 things that make this picture worth taking to Michael's for custom framing. Let me give you the top 5.

1. The expression on the face of the middle kid. He looks like he's reaallllly enjoying that taco in an intimate sort of fashion. He's not doing the natural pose of opening his mouth as wide as possible to get a good hearty bite in. He's caressing it in a delicate one-handed fashion and carefully preening it as he makes bedroom eyes at the camera.

2. The kid on the right is eating his taco upside down. Either this kid is some sort of Marvel type mutant with the ability to defy gravity in food products or he is eating a fake glued together taco.

3. The Spongebob Taco Kit. As if they needed any help getting kids to eat tacos, here's the icing on the cake. Ortega has produced a Spongebob Squarepants taco kit complete with branded seasoning and sauce packets and even a special TACO HOLDER designed just like Spongebob. I haven't seen these hit the store shelves yet, but I hope it won't be a long wait.

4. The football uniforms have the Ortega logo printed on them. They are also white uniforms, so good luck getting out those taco stains. The chances of anyone anywhere eating a taco without spilling it on themselves is only 1 out of 10.

5. While the Crunch Squad is clearly noshing on some beef tacos, the plated tacos are actually fish tacos. Ortega and Gordon's have some sort of partnership going, because this isn't the only ad I've seen declaring love of fish tacos.

Even the box of shells I have in my cupboard are promoting fish tacos. I'm usually a ground turkey kinda gal, but I did once try the potato taco at Taco Bell and it was fairly good so I'm willing to try other alternatives. I'm also not a big fish person, though. I love salmon raw in sushi but if you give me a piece cooked, I'm likely to turn my nose up at it. I eat the standard canned tuna fish and battered or breaded fish, but not much beyond that and the sushi.

Luckily I had some reduced fat fishsticks in the freezer so I could try this out. The box recommended the use of avocado, which I loooooove but sadly I didn't have any. I was also suspicious of the lack of shredded cheese in the topping suggestions. I should have put it on anyway. Cheese makes everything delicious.

I found this fish taco to be a little bland. I mean, there isn't any taco seasoning involved so that's a big strike against it. No. No. I think I'm going to stick to ground turkey. I don't foresee myself ever growing a taste for fish tacos. I like my hot, dripping meat.

Basil Nuts

2011-01-24T00:13:00Z

I am so sick of winter already. I've got major winter blues and I'm ready to just hide in bed until Spring. For my birthday I received a $50 gift card to Burpee, which sells seeds, plants, and gardening supplies. I've been paging through their magazine longingly dreaming of warm sunny days tending to my very first garden. My buddy Kristiane over at The Green Pilver was showing off her tomato sprouts recently, and I was getting pretty jealous. I didn't think I had anywhere sunny to set plants that my cat couldn't get to. Then I remembered I have magic double windows with a good 6" ledge between them. I can just put the plants between the windows and leave the inner one cracked to let warm air in.

Before I go ahead and invest in tons of seed kits for each of my windows I'm going to test run my theory with this $1 basil set. I'm hoping to grow lots of basil and tomatoes so I can make some badass bruschetta. If I see sprouts in the next week or two, then it's a green light to start piling up all my windows with plants.

The $1 basil kit included a tiny ceramic pot, a packet of seeds, and a dried up soil disc. I didn't think the disc would produce enough soil to fill the little pot, but 3 tablespoons of warm water made it swell like a marshmallow in a microwave. The instructions said to only plant 10 seeds, so I planted 10 and have a bunch of extra seeds that I have no where to go with.

If this works I may face a big decision of whether to grow my tomatoes by seeds or spend over twice that for plants.

Mommy Dearest

2011-01-21T05:01:00Z

My mother has spent the last 45 years of her life taking care of other people. I always imagined that when she retired we'd spend so much more time doing things and taking trips together. I'm still hoping for that, but we're facing a long shaky bridge right now.

My mother has pancreatic cancer. At least that's what the doctors say. The prognosis for pancreatic cancer is typically a particularly bad one. The good news is that the mass hasn't spread anywhere, and because of it being located by her bile duct, she jaundiced and started showing signs earlier than most patients with the same diagnosis. She had a stent placed yesterday, and they're using the sells to check for malignancy. She's going to be scheduled for surgery soon. I'm keeping positive.

She's also the most loving, giving, and self sacrificing person I'll ever know. She's also sharp witted, sarcastic, and finds humor in everything. I inherited her sense of humor. Mom has no shame, either. She's been known to say things to my brothers and I to the tune of, "Condoms? We didn't use those back in the 60's! Why would we have? There was no AIDS back then!" She also once made a sex toy joke towards me on Christmas morning while we were unwrapping presents. You can see the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree.

As far as I'm convinced, we'll still be seeing the last Harry Potter movie together. Heck, as far as I'm convinced she'll be in the 5% that's still alive in 5 years. I'll stay in that mind frame until things start looking otherwise.

I have a good support team, too. They say things come in 3's, and that has to be true because two of my nearest and dearest are also recently dealing with parents that have been diagnosed with cancer. As terrible of a thing as it is to deal with, at least we won't be doing it alone.

So wish me a happy 28th birthday, and I'll try to get back to some sense of normalcy.

Fright Night Right

2011-01-12T17:56:00Z

For nearly nine months I've been teaching every Monday evening and it never bothered me until I moved to Hamburg. There's an independent movie theater in town that has "Monday Mayhem" where they play great movies ranging from Evil Dead to A Christmas Story while I'm out talking about different types of lesion removals. As fun as it is to make a room full of students look at images of butt carbuncles, I wish it didn't interfere with my opportunities to see zombie attacks on the big screen.

Currently I'm on winter break, so I have a few Mondays in a row. The first two weeks there were no movies due to holidays and last week it wasn't anything particularly interesting. This week the marquee read "N A R N I A" and had nothing listed for Monday Mayhem. I shrugged and went to medical coding meeting to catch up with some old colleagues and get roped into speaking at a meeting later in the year.

What a weird life.

After the meeting I rolled into town and when I looked up at the theater, the board had changed. There, in lighted letters, it read, "FRIGHT NIGHT."

I screamed loud enough for a man standing on the street to turn his head. I parked nearby with the intent to take a picture on my cell phone and send it to my internet bestie and see if he died of jealousy. I assumed the movie was for next week's show, but I went inside to double check. Something told me to double check.

When I inquired to the young lady running the counter, she told me that TONIGHT was the showing of Fright Night, but it already started 10 minutes ago. She then informed me that no one else came for the movie, so they would be more than happy to restart it for me.

HOLY HOLY HOLY SHIT!

I had no cash on me, so I literally ran my fat ass down the street to the bank, only to find out it didn't have an outdoor ATM. I then got in my car and flew around the corner to the grocery store, skipped inside and put my card into the ATM. It blinked "Processing...." for five minutes until I just about started to cry. Finally it spit out $20, I put it between my teeth and made my way back to the theater.

I paid $5 for the movie, $2 for a bottle of water, and sat square in the 2nd row so I'd be as close as possible while still having somewhere to put my feet up.

I can't believe I got to see Fright Night on the big screen with THE THEATER COMPLETELY TO MYSELF. I even let out a totally audible fart just for good measure. Plus I was texting people the whole time, and no one was there to say zip to me. Granted, I had to keep my coat on because the theater was cold, but I couldn't very well expect them to jack up the thermostat over one $5 movie goer. It was worth it, the cheesy parts of the movie even more hilarious watching it in the theater.

On my way to the car I turned and saw they'd already changed the sign for next week's showing.

Someone must have tipped them off that my birthday is next week.

Damn you, Family Circle

2011-01-10T02:24:00Z

I haven't been to a Wal-Mart in weeks, and I feel kinda cool about that. I'm saving a lot of money by grocery shopping at stores that only sell groceries. That may change in a few months when the new Supercenter opens in town, but for now I'm kinda digging not having the temptation of an electronics section when I'm getting a gallon of milk.

There's still some distractions that can't be avoided. I've been roped into buying Family Circle more times than I'd care to admit. The first glance draws me in with promises of 5,000 different recipes and when I see that shining beacon of a $1.99 price tag, the compulsion buy takes control.

After flipping through articles on how to get your child to do their homework and the horrors of sexting, I get to the promised plethora of recipes. It never fails that the only appealing recipe requires some kind of ingredient that I would have to import from Guatemala and the rest are things I know how to make by heart. Grilled cheese, chocolate chip cookies, meatloaf.... blah. Yet I keep buying them, as if there is some secret miracle chicken dish that I have never seen before contained within.

I think I'm chicken jaded.

Vlogging in the dark

2011-01-07T03:24:00Z

Sorry about the video quality, it seems my camcorder does not like indoor light.

My name is no name

2011-01-05T03:08:00Z

I was going to finish up 2010 by cranking out one more article, but I'm the most distracted writer ever and didn't finish in time. Then I was going to start 2011 out with a new article, but I turned on the TV and next thing I knew it was time to go back to work. It doesn't help that this article is a review of a TV episode, because those are the worst gnaw-away-ers at my attention. I've never made a TV show, so I find it hard to critique those who did. However, without the critique it becomes more of a play-by-play of the episode and that's no fun for anyone. So now it's Tuesday and the article is only half done. Damn you Golden Girls marathon.

I'd probably have finished tonight if I didn't decide to go grocery shopping and waste 2 hours and $110. I picked up a food scale, so I can tell you I purchased 7lbs 3oz of bananas at my new love, Aldi. Then I stopped at the grocery outlet because lately they've had these generic tissues with awesome designs on them for 79¢.

I blow my nose 5,000 times a day so tissues are a big deal for me and I need a box for every room in the house. I love finding boxes with awesome designs on them, which are in abundance during "back to dorm" sales in August-September, but return to pictures of daisies and polka dots immediately afterwards. Even during that window, cute tissue boxes are always brand names and costs more rupees than I can made during money making game.

These particular tissues are "no name" tissues in the very literal sense. It boggles my mind that a company that goes out of it's way to print cute pictures of Cadillacs on the side of their tissues boxes doesn't want to be bothered with making up a phony brand name.

The top left corner is a design of smooth stones underwater and it going to look perfect in my bathroom. On the top right is the party box, filled with tons of bubbly glasses of adult beverages in a funky jive style. I have a birthday party coming up, so this design as a must. The bottom left reminds me of the Jetsons because it's kind of retro futuristic. I can totally see it as the backdrop to a Jetsons fanpage with sexy pictures of Rosie. The bottom right box at first glance I thought was cherry blossoms, but when I got it home looks more like lilacs. I like lilacs, but cherry blossoms would have looked better in the living room. Booooo.

Strawberry Fluffernutter

2010-12-24T00:20:00Z

There's this amazing American delicacy called the "fluffernutter" and it's a food staple for fans of peanut butter and marshmallow. Jars of fluff are easily identifiable by their trademark red cap and the fact that they are filled with white goop. Don't be fooled by the imitation "marshmallow creme" because only real fluff can make a real fluffernutter.

Traditionally fluffernutters are made with bread, peanut butter, and fluff. For an instructional, click here. The other day I discovered there is such a thing as strawberry fluff, and I bought it hoff liff and sinkffer. Is that a terrible alliteration or a bad pun? I don't even know anymore. They say alcohol can cause short term memory loss.

In any case, made a strawberry fluffernutter the other day. It was pretty amazing. I think. They say alcohol can cause short term memory loss.

Dollar Tree Panini finds

2010-12-23T03:04:00Z

Do you see that there? See what that is? It's a Panini Sticker album, and I wouldn't have found it if I didn't order sushi.

It really started because it was grocery shopping day and I've fallen in love with this store called Aldi that's on a slightly different route home. It basically sells all store brand food, and you have to put a quarter in the shopping cart to release it and bring your own bags, so it makes me feel all environmentally friendly. I cut up my 6-pack rings so the baby turtles don't die, but I've never heard of one suffocating from a plastic bag, so just load them up into giant sacks dump them off at a recycle bin every so often. Now I'm wishing I had the cash to invest in the Sesame Street reusable bag collection. I trust Grover to protect my bananas and cereal bars.

After loading all my groceries into the car, I called in an order to the sushi joint in Kutztown, and was given the wait time of 30 minutes. It took me slightly under 20 minutes to get there, and with my spare 10 minutes I opted to check out the local Dollar Tree.

I love the Dollar Tree. Sure, I like other Dollar Stores where I can buy things that are actually multiple dollars like sacks of Lavender Bath Salts or Inflatable Bop Bags. But, only Dollar Tree lets me bask in the warm safe glow of knowing everything under their roof will cost me no more than $1, and that will lend me to feel like queen of the store. I'm sure I could even find a tiara to give myself a coronation, and it would only cost me the low, low price of one American Dollar.

I first partook of the Christmas aisles, where I found some amazing bronze goblet ornaments and prayed to a package of Cherry Cordials that they would have them in silver. They didn't have any in silver, but in retrospect I shouldn't just pray to whatever random false idol is present at the time. Especially ones I intend to eat by the end of the month.

I made my move to the "gift" section to see what kind of goodies it held. I've become fond of spa supplies and have even started making my own bath salts because, as it turns out, I'm an idiot and my bath tub was never broken in the first place. At the corner of the spa goods I spotted an item from the new Disney movie Tangled, which looks fantastic enough for me to see it when it comes into the 90-year old independent theater in town. Upon close inspection I realized the item in question was a box of Tangled Panini sticker packages. I grabbed a handful. I think $1/pkg is a little much, but HOLY SHIT PANINI STICKERS!! The album was there, too, right about the box! Holy fuck toys and Merry Christmas!

Panini has been around for a while, but for the past 15+ years they've barely been seen state-side and when they have it's been in the form of hockey or some sporting good nonsense book. Sports collectors have cards, they don't need to take our sticker albums, too. Leave this sticker collections to us doughy non-athletic nerdy kids that are only good at games in video or board varieties.

The album came with a package of stickers included. When I ripped it open I noticed the first sticker inside was holographic. That's some fancy new prize in the Panini world. None of my Barbie and TailSpin albums of yesteryear came with holographic stickers. Ignore the horrible lens flare and blurry photo quality and pretend you're looking at the Tangles Guy on a solid silver bar. That's not what it looks like at all, but it's closer than the image above.

They also make it insanely easy now to get the stickers you're missing. You can go right on their website and order any ones you're missing in the series. The only thing better would be if you could trade your 50 extras of #47 for the needed stickers to fill the blank spots in your book. I'm sure there's at least one internet forum out there where you can do just that.

I'll be filling my book in with stickers, but not until after the Christmas season. I still have 5,000 things to do and 2.1 seconds to do them in.

And actually Plu tipped me off about a Panini comeback a week or two ago. I just hadn't seen any til this Dollar Store run-in.

A lil bit of Christmas Magic

2010-12-18T00:53:00Z

December is a month of decadence. Everywhere you look it's flashing lights, shiny paper, rich desserts, and ornately crafted delicate decorations. Then there's magic moments that can only happen during this holiday season, and today I happened across one of them.

I spend 90% of my work days looking at medical insurance claims on the interwebs. The rest of the time I'm making/drinking/voiding herbal teas, glancing at my cell phone, and maybe making one or two phone calls. I make the days go faster by listening to SModcast all day, but Fridays seem to still drag on slower than

On the way home from work I noticed a small market in town had 2 firetrucks flashing in the parking lot. I didn't pay much attention because it was dark out and I had to weave my way to the grocery store to buy eggplant and cat food. I spent my grocery trip staring at the peanut butter and trying to figure out if Natural or Reduced Fat is the better choice. I take my fluffernutters very seriously. If you don't know what a fluffernutter is, you're missing out on a world of fine cuisine.

On my way out I heard one of the cashiers mention that their were firetrucks outside by the Subway, and I stopped and said to him, "That's weird... they were over by the market when I came in..." When I stepped outside I saw a police car followed by two firetrucks. I'm not one to stop and gawp at emergency scenes, so unless I heard someone screaming, "DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?!" I intended to try and go about my business. However, when I was loading the bags into my trunk I heard a familiar "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" being shouted across the parking lot.

I looked up on top of the firetruck, and there he was, as jolly as ever. A lady came by and handed me a candy cane as I stared at him, smiling. Santa was cruising around Hamburg on top of a firetruck. It was one of the most pure and wonderful joys of the season. No one would be able to miss Saint Nick riding high all across town on the fireman's ladder with the sirens honking along the way. I can't imagine any child in Hamburg had an easy time falling asleep tonight.

Gingerbread Marshmallow Men

2010-12-12T05:17:00Z

A few weeks ago while grocery shopping a package of Gingerbread men marshmallows found their way in my cart next to the Cinnamon Apple air fresheners and box of Cold Stone Hot Cocoa mix. It was nice to see a change from the red and green malllows that come back year after year for the holiday season. This year Kraft is spicing it up, and that spice is Ginger.

Now while these marshmallows are sugary sweet and wonderful, I can't imagine anyone that is so gaga for gingerbread that they'd fill their cocoa mug with these sugar daddies more than a couple times this winter. These are the kinds of treats that lend themselves more towards decorations on baking projects.

I'm no Rachel Ray, I surely don't have the 1989 Batman Jack Nicolson Joker smile, but also I'm not that big of a wizard in the kitchen. That's not to say I don't enjoy or know how to cook, but last week I had to search YouTube to figure out how to cut a mango. I do, however, know that marshmallows are one of the three main ingredients in Rice Krispy Treats.

The melting marshmallows looked like Freddy Kreuger in Nightmare on Elm Street 4 when all the souls are escaping his stomach. They seemed a bit thicker than traditional marshmallow goo, which I just attributed to extra sugar needed to offset the gingerbread spices.

The mallows turned the treats a golden guido brown. They were super, super sticky, but maybe it just seemed that way because I packed them down pretty hard. I was fairly impressed with the Gingerbread Rice Krispy Treats -- they were a perfect morning cup of coffee snack. I bet they'd make an awesome replacement for gingerbread cookie houses, but that's another project for another day.